Jun 3, 2013

When the feeling of regret hits

          Hello blog, it's 8pm+ now. I have some thoughts to be spill now. Last night, I woke up around the middle of the night and I couldn't go back to sleep. Damn insomnia. And when insomnia hits, a whirl of crazy thoughts pollutes my brain.

It's crazy how it's already middle of the year now. Which means, I am 5 months away from SPM and this is when reality hits. Just five months away til my big final exam. The one exam that hoping to score for a better chance to get myself a scholarship and the study field of my choice. But here I am, blogging... Okay...hold on!

I need to get this out of my chest. To hit myself in the head that time isn't much in my favour. In 3 more months, (I think September) I'll be sitting for my trial. They say trial is very important too. And also my last chance to measure my achievement throughout these two years in facing SPM soon.

For this mid year examination, I also take it as my measurement of how well I did. But sadly, I think I did horrible. I thought of stepping up my game for this mid year but I am still not satisfy. How do I expect myself to get 9A's in SPM if I'm scoring lots of B's and maybe C's. I am not exaggerating. My Bahasa is bad as ever. My Biology, Chemistry and Physics is bad as well. I am starting to lose confidence.

My ex teacher told me once that there are to outcomes to bad results. One, it pushes and motivates you to work harder for the upcoming test. Or two, it weakens your spirit and pollutes your mind with negativity that you'll fail all the way. I am very afraid that I am number two. I use to fake believe that I will take bad results like the first outcome but.....

I went back to my hometown last week and as usual my uncle and aunt says I should spend my time wisely to study. To pick up what I left behind. But I've wasted one week. I could not procrastinate longer. Okay, I wouldn't call last week a waste of time. I think I've acquired adequate time for relaxation and time for me to gather up energy boast for this week's study time.

Due to my kiasu and kiasi-ness and to prevent me when regret hits like a tonne over my body, I am trying to study. In fact, I try to open my books and read through. And one of my friend, he has been studying during the holidays. Not constantly studying, but he balance the time for study and leisure. Okay lah, because he is like one of the most clever student in my school.. Anyways...I was reading through Sejarah the other day, the topic on World Wars. Now I get why my friend is so interested.

Okay lah. Actually although I seem to look very stress out, I'm not. haha. You know how sometimes words will come out a bit more exaggerating. So yeah.... :)

It's just that I want to regain a firmer uphold on my confidence before SPM arrives. I want to step in the exam hall with confidence. So hopefully I'll achieve it by taking this little steps.


And actually I not yet get my mid year results. Maybe my prediction wrong. but most of the time my prediction quite accurate one.. Some more I know where I did wrong ad. A C couldn't possibly change to A ma....


1 comment:

  1. Get the problem off your chest
    Prepare well and hope for the best
    "Jia-U", jangan putus asa
    Till then, it's sayonara


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